What Do I Do Now??

This, not written by myself, but needed to be posted; words of my friend Laura Rossi. Enjoy

What do I do now? You say you care but you never show it anymore. I miss those days where I was the one that mattered, when you would do anything for me, when you actually kept your promises. You’re supposed to be there for me, but now I’m shoved to the backburner, some thought in the back of your mind that hardly gets pulled to the front. I’m just a dusty ornament on the shelf, a plaything that got old too quick. You don’t care anymore; you don’t see that I need you. Need you to dust me of and put me on my feet again. You think that all of this is just a phase, that I’m just some teenager that knows nothing. Oh but I know, I know of the cruelties of the world, of life, and of parents who don’t care anymore. You said you would always be there for me, where are you now? I have no where to turn. I used to be able to turn to you, but all you spit back at me are clichés and meaningless vows. I only have two parents, and you and I both know that there is no way that mom would understand this. You underestimate her hate, her loathing of what I am. How can I tell her about me when it would just give her more things to dislike me for? You say that she would be fine, I’m her daughter, but you haven’t seen or heard what she thinks. She would never speak to me again, good riddance. Right now, I can’t deal with that, I dislike her just as much as she does me, but I still need the comfort of a parent. Your hand on my forehead when I have a fever, rough hands wrapping blankets around me when I’m cold, and a soothing voice when I’m upset or scared; that is what you have always been to me. But, that you are no more. The hands are gone, the words become monotone, I feel no caring that you say is there. Show me that you love me. Daddy, I need you, more than ever. I’ve always needed you, and no matter how many times I tell you that you don’t seem to get it. I become the apple of your eye when you are alone, no one there to take your attention from me. Promises of apartments, cell phones, and trail rides. Then a new one comes along, steals your heart, even the part of it meant for me, and with that, stealing the piece of mine that is meant for you, leaving a gapping hole that no one but a father could fill. Who am I to turn to? Where am I to go? Am I to find some replacement for you? Put you to the back of my mind, forget, and make up reasons not to see you, just like you did to me? Is that what you want? I miss the coffee, the late nights, early mornings watching the sun rise with the smoke from our mouths, the movies, the talks, the hugs, the walks, the trips, everything. I miss it all, and I fear that I will never get it back. You expect me to be like you, to be like my brother. I am like you, but not in every way. And I am almost nothing like my brother. Remember, who was it that calls you every day? Oh, right, me. Just me. Not that me matters. Not to you anyways, and if I do you sure don’t show it. I call multiple times; leave several messages, and no reply. Promised e-mails that never come, the ones that I wait up for, hoping that maybe this time it will come. I don’t want to lose you, but it seems like I already am. So tell me father, what do I do now?