At First Glance

All women, young and old, can understand or have even experienced the one significant moment, time, place and feeling that you get when you lock eyes with that perfect man; the man that embodies your ideal mate, boyfriend, and husband. No matter how you picture this man to be, whether he be tall, dark and handsome, smart and successful, strong and supportive or perhaps even geeky, he’s nothing shy of perfect. No matter whom they choose to or end up being, there is no flaw or limitation as to how you two will be able to thrive together. You get this feeling. It’s unexplainable, really, but when the room is entered, and out of the crowd you see his face, when nothing else matters and the world genuinely slows down momentarily… When you go to gasp for air that isn’t available and you regain the strength to think to yourself that he wouldn’t be interested in you and that you are merely infatuated with his appearance but maybe, per chance, your paths will cross – but you’re not in pursuit because he would never really be fond of you. The only hope one has from there is to eventually meet this man and strike up a conversation. The lucky ones get their chance to. However, some women are not so lucky. I was extremely fortunate.

A Long Time Coming

I know here, it's never read. There's just something about the feeling of putting words down, being able to post them, and that maybe, someone will come along and read what you have taken the time to write, perhaps something you say will inspire them, or change their outlook on something. I find that those are the people that inspire me, other writers or anyone looking for an audience to continue to pursue their dreams, continue to do what they love and be successful in all their endeavours.
Right now, I know I'm writing to myself, as a reflection, let's say, of how I've grown over the last year. Nothing has given me motivation to write until now. I'm doing this for me, for the time being. I have a lot of built up opinions, thoughts, and experiences I would like to share; if only with my future self. To remind me of myself, who I am and who I definitely do not want to be. I have opened my eyes to a lot of different things within the past year, and perhaps here, I can straighten out my mind, and continue to grow and be true to myself. I've spent far too long living for other people, doing what other people want me to do, and becoming what other people want me to be. I'm tired of that. I'm not that person and you cannot change me anymore. It's making me sick. These people that are out there looking to put all the blame on someone else and especially saying the things that should be directed right back at themselves. No, by saying things such as this I'm not being self-centered. No, by saying things such as this I don't only care about myself. In fact, I'm still the person that would do anything to help someone out, or be there for the ones I love or even USED to love... I haven't changed for that sense. I'm just tired of the sarcasm, the games, and the values, morals and virtues that people no longer respect. I tried, I really did try to have you accept me, but sometimes, I've learned, that it's okay to put your happiness first for once. And I wasn't happy, so I did begin to cut ties with the people that brought me down the most. I hated to. They didn't understand why I went away for so long. Some of my "best" friends I couldn't even trust with something as insignificant as lunch money (poor example, but you understand). It hurt me too. Not to see the people I was used to seeing everyday? The people I grew up with? Yes. It sucked, and no, I wasn't being a bitch. They were so mad, so upset and said very hurtful things in my direction. But I couldn't stand the way they treated me. I really only wanted to be put first by someone for once...But I always ended up being the fall-back.. or the "safe" one. That's when I knew that I had made the right decision. Some ties have and will be slowly reconnected over time. Once I have allowed people to grow up; including myself. But until then, I'm a very secluded person. I find myself with very few, very close friends whom I see on a daily/regular basis. I couldn't be happier with that aspect of my life. ---and no, I'm not a loser.

There's just too many more important things to me now that I've left school. I'm working a lot, bettering myself for my future in post-secondary education and trying my best to take steps in the right direction to begin building a successful future. I've found, now, that I spent far too long dwelling on my social life, caring about opinions and not long enough paying attention -or even realizing- what was truly important in life. Some of my new values are honesty and trust. Those are two things that you will need your whole life, regardless of what job you end up in, married or not, wealthy or poor... Those are two of the most important things to me right now. Sadly, I'm unable to take all of my advice at once... I do still shy away from a lot of people, and end up hindering relationships due to my lack of trust, but I'm getting better. Another, is that I believe in second chances. People everywhere make mistakes. They take things for granted everyday. Sometimes it takes one REALLY big fuck up to open their eyes, and try harder next time. But third chances are very hard for me to believe in yet. Fool me once, shame on you... Fool me twice, shame on me. I am, however, always the first to believe the best in people *face palm*. Sometimes I feel very stupid and naive, but when I think deeper into it, if you never try, you'll never know. I've proved to myself that when I care about something, or even someone for that matter, I try for that thing or person as hard as I can until there literally is no hope left. Someone can only be turned down so many times before they're pushed away forever...

I feel as though I have turned to reading and writing as my latest vice. To allow my mind to wander is seemingly the best form of treatment to my thoughts. Reading inspires me to write, and writing inspires me to read what others have written. So I do hope that I will be able to stay committed to this blog for at least a little while. Whether it be pent up anger, provocative content, or just to allow myself to wander, I hope to document it here.

If there are any readers, I do hope that something is gained from this, if not, I hope no time was ever wasted.

Some of the best friends a girl could ever ask for.

Elmo, Matt & Andrew:

Down the Rabbit Hole & Through the Looking Glass

Alice in Wonderland in fact isn't a remake of the classic tale from Lewis Carroll, but is a continuation of the story years later! Woaahh, i was kinda surprised lol. It's actually about when 19 year old Alice returns to Wonderland; reunited with the spins of the classic odd ball characters, and finds her true destiny to end the Red Queen's reign of terror. Wow. Soooooooo excited. Like I don’t think you have an idea. I have been looking forward to this film for the past two years. Once I heard about it, of course I automatically felt the need to see it. Good and a Bad... Good: I heard the imagery and visuals were stunning.. but the plot line weak? Gah, see, Tim Burton has forever been one of my idols and favourite directors. From James in the Giant Peach, The Nightmare Before Christmas, Edward Scissorhands and ESPECIALLY Big Fish... I have always thought that he was a brilliant man! Now, I haven’t seen the 2010 version of Alice in Wonderland yet – because it is released today, and I didn’t get midnight showing tickets *sob*- but I have done my research, know the characters fully, and have seen many interviews, trailers, and clips. Of course there have been endless variations on the classic Alice tale, but I’m going to be focusing on the more popular Disney version, along with Burton’s (Of course...). I honestly can’t say that it will be similar to the 1951 version, not only because of the animation, but because of Burton’s imagination. The Disney version seems as though to be very literal, and visual. “Burton and his design team summon up is a lavish, lush and witty immersive experience, and there are some strong contributions from performers, many of them transformed by computer-generated imagery.” Johnny Depp (Mad Hatter) – being the most talked-about character- collaborating with Mia Wasikowska (Alice), Helena Bonham Carter *LOVE* (The Red Queen), Anne Hathaway, (The White Queen), and many other fantastic voices and actors seem to make one of the most publicized films since Harry Potter… Hot Topic is one of the giant marketing ploys that the film has came up with. Several stores across America have been designed to feature Alice in Wonderland paraphernalia, including cardboard cut-outs, large, decorative mushrooms, and basically everything that could possibly make any store look like you fell down the rabbit hole. Simply Amazing. And that’s just about all I have to say for now... :( Just wanted to get that out there that I’m uber excited for this film, no matter what people are saying about it. I have no expectations, and when I watch it, I refuse to base my decision on comparisons and other variations. . . That’s not cool. Because I think that it will be a unique movie on it’s own. So, after I see it, then I will make my decision.
So, since i mentioned Hot Topic, i'm kiiiinda obligated to suggest that you a store to pick up some Alice merch ! .....Thumbs up for sell-outs! ......
Oh, and one more thing...
I'M LATE! I'M LATE! For a very important date! No time to say HELLO, GOODBYE! I'm late, i'm late, i'm late.

xoxo

What Do I Do Now??

This, not written by myself, but needed to be posted; words of my friend Laura Rossi. Enjoy

What do I do now? You say you care but you never show it anymore. I miss those days where I was the one that mattered, when you would do anything for me, when you actually kept your promises. You’re supposed to be there for me, but now I’m shoved to the backburner, some thought in the back of your mind that hardly gets pulled to the front. I’m just a dusty ornament on the shelf, a plaything that got old too quick. You don’t care anymore; you don’t see that I need you. Need you to dust me of and put me on my feet again. You think that all of this is just a phase, that I’m just some teenager that knows nothing. Oh but I know, I know of the cruelties of the world, of life, and of parents who don’t care anymore. You said you would always be there for me, where are you now? I have no where to turn. I used to be able to turn to you, but all you spit back at me are clichés and meaningless vows. I only have two parents, and you and I both know that there is no way that mom would understand this. You underestimate her hate, her loathing of what I am. How can I tell her about me when it would just give her more things to dislike me for? You say that she would be fine, I’m her daughter, but you haven’t seen or heard what she thinks. She would never speak to me again, good riddance. Right now, I can’t deal with that, I dislike her just as much as she does me, but I still need the comfort of a parent. Your hand on my forehead when I have a fever, rough hands wrapping blankets around me when I’m cold, and a soothing voice when I’m upset or scared; that is what you have always been to me. But, that you are no more. The hands are gone, the words become monotone, I feel no caring that you say is there. Show me that you love me. Daddy, I need you, more than ever. I’ve always needed you, and no matter how many times I tell you that you don’t seem to get it. I become the apple of your eye when you are alone, no one there to take your attention from me. Promises of apartments, cell phones, and trail rides. Then a new one comes along, steals your heart, even the part of it meant for me, and with that, stealing the piece of mine that is meant for you, leaving a gapping hole that no one but a father could fill. Who am I to turn to? Where am I to go? Am I to find some replacement for you? Put you to the back of my mind, forget, and make up reasons not to see you, just like you did to me? Is that what you want? I miss the coffee, the late nights, early mornings watching the sun rise with the smoke from our mouths, the movies, the talks, the hugs, the walks, the trips, everything. I miss it all, and I fear that I will never get it back. You expect me to be like you, to be like my brother. I am like you, but not in every way. And I am almost nothing like my brother. Remember, who was it that calls you every day? Oh, right, me. Just me. Not that me matters. Not to you anyways, and if I do you sure don’t show it. I call multiple times; leave several messages, and no reply. Promised e-mails that never come, the ones that I wait up for, hoping that maybe this time it will come. I don’t want to lose you, but it seems like I already am. So tell me father, what do I do now?

Directional SWITCH!

I would like to point out, that it's still winter. WTF. -.- im not really impressed that we are all gonna have to wait 109 long days before the actual first day of summer. June 21st 2010. Oh, the excitement.
So, re-directing this to the origional point...
I'm thinkin' of no more pointless blogs. No more retarded insight into the boring-ness that is my life (Y) =D
I thought it might be more entertaining if I talk about random things that i decided to care about on that specific days; seeing as its fun-er? to talk about that, rather then whatever i happen to do that day. Basically, I'm just doing small ajustments etc. Oh, and i'll warn you right now, I'm most likely going to write about interesting media, but more-so, my opinions on it. I wanna do some book/movie reviews, make some monotonous news more interesting. I'm very opinionated so i'm sure it'll be fun. (Y) Sound good? Kaycool!

Barbie and Ken Breakup??

So, it was brought to my attention.. that the famous Barbie and Ken have finally broken up after a lovely 43 years of... "play time". Being a little girl and looking up to barbie (yes, not the brightest idea... not to idealistic if you ask me) it was a major shocker to hear such news!! Apparently, Barbie is now seeing Blaine. -- a boogie-board, boy-toy Aussie -- and that Ken, at long last, was coming out of Barbie's dream closet. Flamer?? Woah. Well, makes sense i suppose. The way society was in 1961... coming out would have spelled career disaster for Ken. Hmm, Barbie and Blaine, and Ken being gay. Nice change Mattel? Well, this other theory has been developed that perhaps it WAS just ad marketing ploy that brought this all together. Also, i'd just like to add about how much this situation is similar to Demi Moore and Ashton eh? Being around the same age as Barbie, and getting a new, young 'boy toy' was just what this dull situation needed! More Publisity. Throughout the years, Barbie has ACTUALLY influenced young girls.. so what, is a divorce // break-up supposed to be idealized now?? Or is it just the norm?? Jeepers. Ken was basically another accessory apparently... :( Poor guy :P Just like her little, cute, pink convertible or her beach house. Fun to have, but not necessary. Besides, Ken was never really all that hot, and Barbie knew it. But that GI Joe –- now, he was a doll!!

The proudest.

A follow up on the CD launch of Celidh's Album, "Such a Fall as This".
Wow, im so proud of Miss Barker. And i heard she and her openening act (Olivia) did phenominal. My personal apologies to both these young ladies, that I was unable to attend the concert. I have been a keen fan of hers for some time now, and I still plan on purchasing the album. If any of you are unable to contact her for the album, it will be available some time in the early new year (Jan 2010) on iTunes. Visit her myspace for more information! :) www.myspace.com/celidhbarker

xoxo